


When there's a group chat. There's hell.

by Artistickitkat



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Post-Civil war (Marvel) - Fandom, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017) - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Asgard roomates, Everyone thinks Peter is Tony's son, Funny, Group chat, Humour, Multi, No Infinity War or Endgame, No one knows who Peter is, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-26 15:54:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18720259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artistickitkat/pseuds/Artistickitkat
Summary: Normally, when someone get's bored they do something productive. But not Tony... Not Tony...(Doesn't include Endgame and Infinity war spoilers because they don't happen at all in this fanfic)





	1. The beginning of the end

**Author's Note:**

> NO SPOILERS FOR ANY UNIVERSES!

_Tony stark added Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton, James Barnes, Sam Wilson, James Rhodes and Intern to The Avengers Group Chat_

_Tony Stark has changed to You know who I am_

**You know who I am:** Someone entertain me :(

_Clint Barton entered the chat_

**Clint Barton:** Really Tony, "You know who I am"

 **You Know who I am:** Really robin hood, you use quotation marks

 **Clint Barton:** OI

 **Clint Barton:** I have you know I am down with the kids

_Natasha Romanov entered the chat_

**Natasha Romanov:** That's what someone who's an old grandpa would say '_'

 **Clint Barton:** WHY IS IT THAT AS SOON AS I'M ON THE CHAT EVERYONE'S ON MY ASS

 **Natasha Romanov:** There's only two of us on your ass...

 **You know who I am:** Drama queen much...

 **Clint Barton:** YOU CAN SAY MUCH!

 **Clint Barton:** I LITERALLY TOUCHED YOUR LAB DOOR AND YOU HISSED AND SAID "WHY DO I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH YOU!"

 **Clint Barton** : I JUST TOUCHED YOUR FUCKING LAB DOOR

 **Clint Barton:** I DIDN'T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING

 **You know who I am:** Technically, you DID do something

 **Clint Barton:** LIKE WHAT!?

 **You know who I am:** Touch my door

 **Clint Barton:** THAT'S NOT-

 **Natasha Romanov:** Actually it is because as soon as you touch something it instantly get's destroyed

 **Clint Barton:** I thought we were friends :(

_Natasha Romanov changed to ColdAssBitch_

**ColdAssBitch:** Well you thought wrong

 **You Know who I am:** OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

_You know who I am changed Clint Barton's name to ROASTED_

**ROASTED:** ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

_James Barnes entered the chat_

_James Barnes changed to Bucky_

**Bucky:** Stop being a pussy bitch

 **ROASTED:** (;﹏;)

 **ColdAssBitch:** Careful mother hen doesn't like that talk

_Steve Rogers entered the chat_

**Steve Rogers:** Why do I think that I'm the mother hen?

_ColdAssBitch changed Steve Rogers name to Mother Hen_

**ColdAssBitch:** There you go

 **ColdAssBitch:** That should help ya

 **Mother Hen:** Really Romanov.

 **ROASTED:** Who uses full stops in their texts?

 **You Know Who I am:** Who uses quotation marks?

 **ROASTED:** I'M LEAVING

 **ROASTED:** YOU ARE ALL BULLIES

_ROASTED left the chat_

**Mother Hen:** What was that?

 **Bucky:** Clint must be on his man period

_Sam Wilson entered the chat_

_Sam Wilson changed to Falcon_

**Falcon:** And you aren't?

 **Bucky:** Are you trying to start something chicken?

 **Falcon:** Just pointing out the obvious

 **Bucky:** I'M GOING TO BEAT YOUR ASS

 **Mother Hen:** LANGUAGE

 **Bucky:** Oh sorry

 **Bucky:** I'M GOING TO BEAT YOUR ASS YOU PUSSY ASS BITCH

 **Mother Hen:** BUCKY!

 **Mother Hen:** He just ran out of the door.

 **Mother Hen:** You should probably run Sam.

 **Falcon:** AH SHIT AH SHIT AH SHIT FNJRIBNRIGNTOJREJT,FOYIKGFOTKD]

 **You know who I am:** Well that was... fun...

_James Rhodes has entered the chat_

_James Rhodes changed to Rhodey_

**Rhodey:** Why did I see Sam being slammed by Bucky?

 **ColdAssBitch:** Well Sam said he was on his man period and Bucky got really angry

 **Rhodey** : Ooooooooooh

 

**Time: 2:00 am**

_Intern has entered the chat_

**Intern:** Um... why am I here?

_You know who I am has entered the chat_

**You know who I am:** IT'S 2 AM

 **You know who I am:** YOU SHOULD BE IN BED

 **Intern:** I never sleep

 **Intern:** You should know this by now

 **You know who I am:** I DON'T CARE

 **You know who I am:** SLEEP

 **Intern** : WELL YOU SHOULD BE ASLEEP

 **Intern:** HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT

 **You know who I am:** DON'T BE SASSY WITH ME BOY

 **You know who I am:** I CAN GROUND YOU

 **Intern:** NO YOU CAN'T

 **Intern:** YOUR NOT MY DAD

 **You know who I am:** Your right

 **You know who I am:** But I can text your aunt right now and she can ground you

 **Intern:** SHIT

 **You know who I am:** LANGUAGE

 **Intern:** YOU HAVE WON THIS TIME BUT NEXT WILL BE YOUR LAST (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง

 **You know who I am:** YOU CAN TRY

 **Intern:** (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง

 

**Time: 7:00 am**

_Mother Hen has entered The Avengers Group Chat_

**Mother Hen:** Tony.

_You know who I am entered the chat_

**You know who I am:** What?

 **Mother hen:** Why were you up at 2 am and who is "Intern"?

 **You know who I am:** First, I do what I want

 **You know who I am:** Second, it's none of your business

_ROASTED has entered the chat_

_ROASTED is typing..._

**You know who I am:**  oh god

 **ROASTED:** If it's not any of our business

 **ROASTED:** Why was he added to the chat?

_ColdAssBitch, Bucky and Falcon have entered the chat_

**You know who I am:** and here it all begins

 **ColdAssBitch:** Who is he?

 **You know who I am:** We are not starting this Romanov.

 **ROASTED:** You used a full stop

 **ROASTED:** Who's the grandpa now?

 **Falcon:** Still you

_Intern has entered the chat_

**Intern:** If I may, Mr Stark has been growing grey hairs lately

 **ROASTED:** ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )

 **You know who I am:** What was that kid?

 **Intern:** NoThInG

 **ColdAssBitch:** Who are you?

 **Intern:** No one

 **Intern:** Life is meaningless

 **Bucky:** mood

 **MotherHen:** What does that mean?

 **Bucky:** It means you relate to something

 **Intern:** I didn't think you would be the type of person to understand Gen Z culture

 **Bucky:** It wouldn't if it not for Shuri constantly shoving vines in my face

 **Intern:** WAIT DO YOU MEAN PRINCESS SHURI?

 **Bucky:** uh... yeah...

 **Intern:** I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! 

 **Intern:** SHE UNDERSTANDS MEMES AND VINES AND GEN Z CULTURE

 **Intern:** WE HAVE TO BE FRIENDS

 **You know who I am:** OH NO YOU DON'T

 **You know who I am:** I'M NOT HAVING ANOTHER KID IN MY HOUSE

 **You know who I am:** YOUR ANNOYING ENOUGH

**Intern: (｡◕‿‿◕｡)**

**You know who I am:** NO

 **Intern:** (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

 **You know who I am:** Fine

 **You know who I am:** I'll give you her number

 **You know who I am:** But don't think for a second I'll let you get away with wining

_You know who I am and Intern have left the chat_

_Rhodey has entered the chat_

**Rhodey:** He's got him soooooooooooo wrapped around his finger 

 **ColdAssBitch:** Can you tell us who he is?

 **Rhodey:** No can do

_Rhodey has left the chat_

**ColdAssBitch:** Well that was rude

 **ColdAssBitch:** Whatever I can find out for myself

_ColdAssBitch has left the chat_

**Bucky:** Chicken, do you want your ass whooped in mario kart?

 **Mother Hen:** BUCKY!

 **Bucky:** Stop being such a mother hen

 **Falcon:** Fine

 **Falcon:** But be prepared because I'm going to whoop you to tomorrow land

_Bucky has changed Falcon's name to chicken_

**Bucky:** Oh you are so on

 **Chicken:** I'm going to slice you

_Bucky and Chicken have left the chat_

**Mother Hen:**  I'm going to go bed.

_Mother Hen has left the chat_

**ROASTED:** guys

 **ROASTED:** GUYS

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. WAKANDA HAS ARRIVED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> T'Challa, Shuri and Okoye (also Wanda and Vision)

**Time: 1:23 am**

_Intern private messaging Shuri_

**Intern:** Hullo?

 **Shuri:** *Sniffs* Is that a vine I smell?

 **Intern:** What the fuck is up, Kyle?

 **Shuri:** What the fuck Richard! 

 **Intern:** You need some milk!

 **Shuri:** YEET

 **Intern:** YEET

 **Shuri:** We are best friends now and no one can tear us apart because...

 **Intern:** WE HAVE THE POWER OF ANIME ON OUR SIDE!

 **Shuri:** I love you bitch, I ain't never gonna stop loving you, biiiiitch!

**Shuri: (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)**

**Intern: (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)**

 

**Time: 10:56 am**

_Bucky entered the chat_

_Bucky added T'Challa to The Avengers Group Chat_

**T'Challa:** Why has my sister been crying for hours staring at her phone?

_Rhodey entered the chat_

**Rhodey:** I don't know

_ROASTED entered the chat_

**ROASTED:**  Nope I don't either

_Mother Hen entered the chat_

**Mother Hen:**  Aw poor Shuri

_ColdAssBitch has entered the chat_

**ColdAssBitch:** Don't ask me

 **ColdAssBItch:** I don't socialise with kids

_Chicken entered the chat_

**Chicken:** You don't socialise with anyone

 **ColdAssBitch:** True

_You know who I am has entered the chat_

**You know who I am:** The scary thing is that she agreed

 **T'Challa:** Do you know why my sister was crying for hours staring at her phone?

 **You know who I am:** That's weird

 **You know who I am:** Pete was doing the same thing

 **ColdAssBitch:** Pete?

 **You know who I am:** Oh shit I said his name

 **You know who I am:** whatever

 **You know who I am:** He's my personal intern

 **Mother Hen:** You've NEVER had a personal intern

 **Rhodey:** Well you would be shocked

 **Bucky:** Wait, so Pete was crying too?

 **You know who I am:** Yeah

 **You know who I am:** He kept saying the most random things too

 **You know who I am:** Like "Welcome to Chilies" and "I can't believe you've done this"

 **ROASTED:** So when I use quotation marks I'm deemed old but when you do it it's fine

 **You know who I am:** Yes because I'm iron man

 _ROASTED_ _left the chat_

 **T'Challa:** Wait

 **T'Challa:** I'm sorry it's the end

 **Mother hen:** Wait what?

 **You know who I am:** I wouldn't think you would be the one to take Clint's side

 **T'Challa:** The world is about to end

 **ColdAssBitch:** Are you on crack or something?

 **Bucky:** No it can't be

 **Rhodey:** WTF

 **T'Challa:** SHURI HAS FOUND A VINE FRIEND

 **Chicken:** Well that was anticlimactic

 **Chicken:** I was literally reaching for my suit

 **Bucky:** You don't understand 

 **Bucky:** She's found a VINE friend

 **Mother Hen:** What's "Vine"?

 **Bucky:** the epiphany of Gen Z culture

 **Bucky:** The overlord of them all

 **You know who I am:** Aren't you all... Well... Overreacting?

 **You know who I am:** I'm sure they'll grow out of it

 **You know who I am:** God dammit

 **You know who I am:** While he was on my floor I told him to do some tinkering until I got back

 **You Know who I am:** HE'S STILL ON THE FUCKING FLOOR

 _You know who I am has sent a picture to the group chat_  
**(It's Peter laying on the floor in the middle of Tony's lab, crying his eyes out which created a puddle beside his head as he intensely stares at his phone)**

 **T'Challa:** I'm sorry Stark but...

 **T'Challa:** It's too late for him

 **T'Challa:** He's gone

 _You know who I am has sent a video the the group_ chat  
**(It's Peter still in his spot crying and staring at his phone with Tony poking him with a pole)**

 **You Know who I am:** wow

 **You know who I am:** He's not budging

 **Mother Hen:** Is anyone going to question that a teenager is Stark's personal intern?

 **ColdAssBitch:** He looks like he just evolved from a fetus

_Intern has entered the chat_

**Intern:** Oi

 **Intern:** That was rude

 **Chicken:** Well you can't blame us that you look like Dora's age

 **Intern:** :(

 **Rhodey:** You need to stop doing that

 **Intern:** :(

 **You know who I am:** Stop hassling my kid

 **Intern:** :)

 **T'Challa:** Begone Satan

 **T'Challa:** May you see me as fear itself

_Intern changed to Sad_

**Sad:** ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

 **You know who I am:** It's official

 **You know who I am:** Pink Panther is on crack

 **T'Challa:** Really

_You know who I am changed T'challa's name to Pink Panther_

**Pink Panther:** You better keep one eye open when you sleep tonight

 **You know who I am:** Bold of you to assume that I sleep

 **Mother Hen:** TONY!

 **You know who I am:** Oh shit I've been caught

 **You know who I am:** Better run

_You know who I am left the chat_

**Mother Hen:** Oh no you don't

_Mother Hen left the chat_

**Rhodey:** Well that's not going to end well

 **Rhodey:** Better make sure that they don't start fighting

_Rhodey left the chat_

**Chicken:** I'm too old for this shit

 **Bucky:** So you admit your old

_Chicken left the chat_

**Bucky:** I guess his age finally caught up with him

_Sad added Shuri to the chat_

**Pink Panther:** Oh no

 **Pink Panther:** what have you done

_Shuri changed to Memelord_

**Memelord:** PEASANTS

 **Memelord:** YOUR OVERLORD HAS ARRIVED

 **Bucky:** Why did you add her?

 **Sad:** Because she is iconic

 **Sad:**  (´；ω；`)

 **Memelord:** (´；ω；`)

 **Pink Panther:** BEGONE

 **Memelord:** THOT

 **Sad:** GO DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM

 **Bucky:** Oh no

_Memelord changed Bucky's name to Emo_

**Emo:** Why

 **Memelord:** It suits you

 **Memelord:** Now may I call my guard to yeet you out of this group chat

_Memelord has added Okoye_

**Okoye:** Get me out of here

 **Okoye:** Please

 **Pink Panther:** I'm sorry

 **Pink Panther:** Shuri has found a Vine friend

 **Okoye:** Ah shit...

 

**Time: 5:00 pm**

_ColdAssBitch added Wanda Maximoff and Vision to The Avengers Group Chat_

**ColdAssBitch:** There you go

_Wanda Maximoff changed to Wanda_

**Wanda:** Why did it take so long for any of you to realise that me and vision weren't in the chat?

_Sad has entered the chat_

**Sad:** Oh I'm sorry

 **Sad:** I don't have your number

 **ColdAssBitch:** So your name is Pete?

 **Sad:** HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT!?

 **Sad:** OH GOD DID I LEAVE MY WINDOW OPEN? NO I MADE SURE I SHUT IT. MAYBE I FORGOT TO LOCK THE DOOR.

 **ColdAssBitch:** Jesus kid

 **ColdAssBitch:** I'm not a pedophile

 **ColdAssBitch:** Tony accidentally said it on the group chat

 **Sad:** Ohhhhhhhhhhhh

 **Sad:** Yeah it is

 **Vision:** Aren't you Stark's personal intern?

 **Sad:** Y-Yeah I am

 _Vision sent a photo to the group_ chat  
**(It's Peter and Tony. Peter has got one arm wrapped around Tony and two fingers pointing up behind Tony's head. Tony is just laughing)**

 **Vision:** This is you

 **Sad:** VISION

 **ColdAssBitch:** I have never seen Tony smile like that

 **ColdAssBitch:** Welp

 **ColdAssBitch:** Now I know what you look like

 **ColdAssBitch:** I'm going to find out who you are

 **Sad:** WAIT

 **Sad:** I've got crisps (chips if you are American) if you want some?

 **ColdAssBitch:** Don't distract me

_ColdAssBitch has left the chat_

**Vision:** I'm sorry Peter.

 **Sad:** It's alright I'll just sleep with one eye open

 **Wanda:** I thought everyone did that

_Wanda, Vision and Sad left the chat_

_You know who I am entered the chat_

**You know who I am:** Great

 **You know who I am:** Now I've got red head on my ass

_You know who I am left the chat_

_Memelord entered the chat_

**Memelord:** it feels so good that I know more about Peter than black widow

 **Memelord:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 

**Time: 9:00 pm**

  _ROASTED has entered the chat_

 **ROASTED:**  I'm back from wallowing in my grief

 **ROASTED:** Guys

 **ROASTED:** Oh come on

_Memelord has entered the chat_

**Memelord:** Your irrelevant

_ROASTED left the chat_


End file.
